Essential Guide for All Prison Employees

Dear new Correctional Officer,

Thank you for accepting this essential role in keeping our country safe. Not only will you have the opportunity to do so, but from this day forth you will feel like you have the power to treat everyone here like dirt. You can't imagine the ego you are about to develop. We in the correctional system aim to foster this development and make you and your ego grow to rival the worst sociopaths you'll ever meet in prison. Here you will find everything you need to know to run our prison effectively but the minimum amount of work to you. You will also find strategies to inflict the maximum stress possible on all of the inmates.

General Routines:

• Unlock their cell doors anytime between 6am and 8am, depending on how you're feeling. Make sure to change it every day so there is no consistency, and no routine could possibly occur. As you may know consistency and routine are crucial to an inmates mental health and sanity so take whatever measures necessary to ensure this does not happen. This will also stop them from being able to set up a sleep schedule and ruins the last hour of sleep any day.

• Let out half the unit sometimes, then all of the unit other times. Whatever you're feeling, works. No logic or pattern is required. This will also keep them from setting up an exercise schedule or be able to inform their family when they'll be able to call, straining their relationships.

Family Contact:

• Family contact has been proven to be very important. Mental wellbeing is key, but also facilitating community ties is the #1 method of reducing recidivism. How do we aid this important aspect of recovery?

• Allow access to an archaic email service and charge extortionate rates for the service. Limit phone time for the month to 300 minutes per person Charge 1980s long distance rates to ALL calls. If it's international, start multiplying! As most inmates have very little money, or food, the choice whether to eat or call will assure that the family that is least important will be left out and eventually fall away when they learn that they aren't worth even a monthly call.

• Limit mail to white paper and blue or black ink. That is, NO: gel pens, colored ink, colored pencils, colored paper, colored envelopes, crayons, drawings, paintings, glitter, scents, etc... when these unauthorized letters come in, return to sender, and don't tell the inmate. If the sender is discouraged after going through the effort of buying stamps and envelopes and trying to send their loved ones a picture from their 3 year old child, they will likely not resend it causing further strain and resentment.

• Make visits as uncomfortable as possible. Make sure the visitor is harassed and made to feel as if THEY are the criminal. This will make sure they don't want to come back. Make the food as inedible as possible to anyone but an inmate and overcharge for it, assuring that family doesn't want to stay for long. Make the chairs hard and unyielding, take away tables, and place the seats 5-10 feet apart so that the visitors have to lean forward to hear each other. We can say it's so that the 5 officers and several cameras aren't overburdened looking for all the drugs being passed among the 20-30 people there, but remember that our goal is to make it an uncomfortable experience so the visitor isn't encouraged to come back.

• Limit not only what kinds of books can be sent in but limit the publishers they can receive books from. Make sure the rules are as vague as possible so that the inmate can't tell their family what they can and can't send, assuring that books are bought, sit here for months to expire the return policy, then offer the inmate the option to destroy it or spend their own money to send it home.. This will discourage the family from sending any books in the future.

Education:

• Limit access to the library. With covid restrictions for the past 2 years, the inmates aren't allowed access to the library. We are doing well here. Confiscate all books in the cell blocks and lock them behind a door so they can see them, but not have access to them.

• Discourage further education by making the several education staff hard to talk to. Convolute the process of even getting into the education department and make the staff members responsible for even learning about how to get college vague and impossible to reach. Maybe make their offices on a different prison complex altogether.

• Make college courses impossible to enroll into.. Work only with colleges that limit the numbers of correspondence courses to assure that our workload never exceeds 2-3 inmates. If the inmate finds a suitable college willing to send material, make sure we don't allow it for - any security issue will do. Remember, we also don't allow hard cover books. sometimes. It's up to you! We can find any reason in the world to restrict them from getting books in. They cant do college without books!

• Offer art programs like painting and knitting, leather work, beading, etc. Make the inmate spend their money and tax them 30% to order the necessary materials from the catalogue. Then, let them turn in the order form and wait for 3-6 months to charge them.. It is very unlikely they will keep the money on their account that long. If you try to run the order and the money isn't there, put them on a permanent refusal for any orders for "positive pursuits".

• Only allow art programs to operate at the recreation area. Limit recreation to one time per week; if they're not locked down, that is. Excessive free time is better spent on drugs, gambling, and TV.

Entertainment:

• Assure TVs are accessible from all angles at all times. Make sports channels available, using inmate accounts to pay for them.. Watching sports is shown in studies to increase aggression.

• Don't discourage gambling. While we can't be seen to promote it, make sure cards and sports channels are easy to come by while easing access to Vegas numbers for purposes of making complicated gambling tickets. Also, allow the use of copy machines for this purpose but make excuses for other purposes.

• Don't put too much effort into stopping the flow of drugs. They should be available at all times, but expensive enough to keep too many problems of debt down. Ignore simple procedures to stop drugs coming in through the mail. They'll be calmer when they're high anyway and they'll be happier watching TV rather than begging us to run classes and programs.

Increasing aggression and violence:

• Studies show that close confinement increases aggression, therefore always keep the inmates as closely confined as possible. Lockdowns and daily cancelled programs aid this. Look for reasons!

• Never allow less than 100 inmates per 30 square meters. Always keep the cells full: 2 inmates per 8X12ft cell. This assures maximum lack of privacy. If there are 2 inmates with single cells, put them together. Even if... ESPECIALLY if they don't get along or are rival gang members.

• Let them outside as little as possible. Once a week for covid mandates is too much! When it started, we had them locked in for months on end. Let's return to that as much as possible.

In short, it is our mission to keep these "people" as subdued as possible until they should leave here in years or decades. If we assure they can't get better, and have broken as many ties to friends and family, there is an increased likelihood they will come back and this means we can all continue collecting our pay checks.. If you have any questions about any of this information, don't bother asking anyone. No one has answers and we just make it up as we go along.

Yours,

The Director