Necessity is the mother of invention

When put in places where the basic necessities are absent, most people will do their best to recreate the tools and conveniences of the life they knew. I'm thinking of desert island survivors and plane crash survivors, Gilligan, etc..... But you'd be hard pressed to find a more inventive group than inmates.

There are hundreds if not thousands of examples of prison ingenuity: from tattoo guns to plasma cutters and shanks made from EVERYTHING, we are an inspired group. I am literally writing a book on this, so check back periodically for news on that. But for now, I want to show just one item that is a game-changer for prisoners all over the country.

The battery pack is among the most useful bits of contraband an inmate can have. Basically, it's a few batteries wired together to power your tattoo gun, light, or radio amp. With this little power pack, your imagination is the limit. Wanna learn how?

So, to make one, take your razor and strip some old headphone wires, scorch both sides of the wire with your candle, then use a sticker to stick the ends to the batteries, positive and negative and... let me guess, I lost you at "candle". "Razor" maybe? I'm assuming you're a fish. Just got off the bus. Still smelling of Tide detergent and CK cologne? Okay, let's start at the beginning.

-You need a razor.

Take a disposable razor, put it in a sock, and beat the bejesus out of it against a hard surface for about a minute. That should get all that unnecessary plastic away from the razor, or at least enough to where you can use some fingernail clippers to get the rest off.

-Making a candle.

cut a 1/6 - 1/8 inch thin strip of cloth from your shirt or pants. How do you measure? Well, regular lined paper is 3 lines for 1 inch. College rule is 4 lines to 1 inch. So cut your strip long enough to make into the wick of your candle. Tie one end of it to something like a paper clip or little stone. Anything to weigh it down a little so the whole wick doesn't float up when the candle starts burning.

Use the bottom of a soda can, a lid, or a little bowl made of tin foil. put the weight and wick in it, fill the bowl with Vaseline or hair grease(the bergamot stuff smells good), and trim the wick(with your razor!) so it's only 1/3-1/4in out of the grease.

Now light the candle. What? You don't know how to light it? Fish...

-Making a lighter.

You'll need 2 batteries, preferably AA or AAA. Bigger is a lot of current and I've never used them before. All they sell in the prisons I've been to over the decade or so are AA or AAA. Lighting a strip can be done with one, but just don't complicate things. You'll also need to make "lighter strips". These are complicated and if you don't have the materials, it can be done with staples or bread ties, but... just go with me here.

The lighter strip is made from little juice packs or Goya seasoning packs. It's the plastic-coated paper that holds slots of our food stuffs. You need to strip the plastic off it and the easiest way is to lay it flat on your mirror and rub vigorously. You'll see it peel away from the actual papery stuff. That is what you want.

Cut that paper into a 1/15-1/16 inch strip about 1.5 in long. Crease it in the middle: that is where the fire will catch when you touch it to the positive and negative ends of the batteries. You need a piece of metal at the bottom on the OTHER positive and negative sides. Your razor will work really well.

BEFORE you do that though...

Make a wick out of tightly twisted toilet paper with a frayed end. that is the end you put over the creased "lighter strip" and when it bursts into flame for a second, it will catch easily on the toilet paper.

Light it, light the candle with that toilet paper wick. Make sure THE CANDLE IS LIT before you toss it.

So back to the beginning.

Your candle is burning, your razor is ready, and you've got two batteries stuck together with a sticker. ALWAYS save stickers. Deodorants, food, pill bottles... they're everywhere and they are useful and most places, you can't buy tape. Nowhere I've been yet. The batteries are stuck together with one positive and one negative sticking up. You've got old headphone wires at least 4in long apiece and you've stripped 1in off of each end AND scorched the shielding off of the points of contact(the ends).

Take a strip of sticker about 1/3-1/4in thick, 2 in long. One strip for the bottom, one for the top. Take your scorched wire ends and stick one to the positive, one to the negative with your other strip. You can use more tape and make it tight to hold the contact. If you're using a tattoo gun, it's going to move around, so you can even tape some of the length of wires to the batteries to make sure they're stuck tight.

Stick a razor or some thin piece of metal at the bottom with one strip. As soon as you've done this, your battery pack is live so those ends of the wire that are flopping around, they'll shock you. Be careful!

Your battery pack is ready to power your plasma torch or light or whatever your crafty mind can come up with. This is "contraband" and most places will take it off you. Just keep it hidden for safety's sake. But if they take it.. well, you've got time. Make another one! After a few years, it will take you about as long as it takes you to make a Ramen soup.

For more ideas on how to run your battery pack or how to make things like tattoo guns or shanks from newspapers... well, I may get in trouble if I send that out from here. Just wait a few months and buy my book.